Happy Tuesday

Sitting at home, listening to Rich's radio show (Stormin(g) the Castle, on WRBB our campus radio station).  PSAs right now.  It's kind of weird, but I love public service announcements.  They're the weirdest of all commercials and usually they're not telling you to buy something. I mean, that PSA for the Make-a-Wish foundation, where a little boy with a terminal illness gets to be a batboy for his favorite pro baseball team, makes me all weepy. Rich is being ridiculous :)  And I've decided that, while some of the metal just makes my ears shut off and I tune it out, most of it is pretty awesome.  I just wanna get up and flail around the room.  Only I don't do that because I might hurt myself or others.

Tomorrow I have what is only my third day of classes. I love having five days off per week, but I secretly wish I had full-time school again.  I absolutely love school.  I think that the primary reason I hated being on co-op was not getting to be in class in the fall.  September is my favorite month because of the weather (crisp but still comfortable, and still colorful) and because of the gorgeous back-to-school atmosphere. Buying notebooks and textbooks, rearranging your sleep schedule to fit your courseload, meeting new and old friends in classes, meeting new professors, exploring new subjects, reading new books, learning new things, classroom discussions, writing papers, doing homework, all of the things my college friends probably think I hate.  They are the things I love most.  I had so much fun doing my homework today, you have no idea.  I was required to write a one-paragraph response to A Midsummer Night's Dream and I ended up analyzing the whole play (it IS my favorite).

Today's summary.  Woke up, had an absolutely lovely morning and didn't get up early, did laundry with Emma (disaster, I smacked the dryer because it didn't take her money--sometimes that helps it just sort of notice you're feeding it--and it shut itself off--as if to say "I don't need to take this kind of abuse from you") in the afternoon.  At two thirty, Anna, Emma, Bridget and I went to lunch with Kate, Dan's girlfriend.  Dan is in Cuba :( for the semester, which sucks, but Kate is awesome so we decided that we'd try to hang out with her whether he's in town or not.  Then back to my apartment, where I fell asleep for a few hours instead of going to anna's.  Made tea for Kayleigh and I (love love love my "tension tamer" tea).  Did my homework (my awesome, awesome homework).   Looked at my other blog, Great and Fearsome, cowritten by Peri (greatnfearsome.blogspot.com) and tried to think of some things to write on there.  I'm "Great" and she's "Fearsome".  Didn't feel inspired today, didn't want to push.  We're using it to write a book about the team.  For more info, click on over there.

So yes. Back to school again tomorrow.  Hopefully punctually, because Professor Goshgarian is not impressed thusfar with my lateness (he's my 8am and my 9:50am class).  Alright.  Twenty minutes until the end of Stormin(g) the Castle, and I'm going to try to become sleepy in that time. 

Goodnight, sleep sweet!

"I swear to God I'm going to pistolwhip the next guy that says 'shenanigans."

-from SuperTroopers (2001)

11:11 p.m.

I was remembering the way, when you first went away and I would call you at school (big impressive freshman that you were), you always reminded me that it was 11:11pm when it came around. You would sit quietly and wait while, for the full sixty seconds, I made my daily wish (always for you). I was struck tonight by the care in that simple act. You were so good at loving me. I am getting over you, it's happening, but I think that for the rest of my life I'll love you when I remember that. Every now and then, at eleven eleven, I'll love you for one full minute, as much as I ever did. I know that's not what you want, but it is going to have to be enough. Tonight, at 11:11, I wished that you would find a girl that makes you happier than I could. If you are half as good at loving her as you were at loving me, she'll be the happiest girl in the world.

A Poem for Sarah's Ophelia Project

Ophelia was crazy.
I think that sits at the back of all of our minds.
While we read Dickinson, Sappho, Woolf, and George Sands,
While we wax philosophical about
Hamlet getting her down (drowned),
We all, learned women that we are,
must know underneath it all
that she was nuts.

I wonder, then
why our fascination with her?
Why we, who say “Well,
of course I would never let a man treat me
like that,”
find her so captivating?

My baby brother would say that we are all in love with her.

In love with Ophelia, there’s a thought.
Are we all fixated on Ophelia,
her beautiful name,
her often depicted
(and where do we get this idea?)
long, flowing, wavy hair,
such a delicate flower that
one man could crush her with his words?
Do we want her?
Or are we all so
strong
that we are drawn in by her
weakness?
By her daintiness?
By her foolish willingness
to pin all of her hopes on
one bad boy,
not caring that he may never
leave his mother and commit?

Do we all wish to be that weak?
Is weakness, as we tell ourselves
the thing that brought down Ophelia?
Did she drown in it?
Did someone else break her because she was so
weak.
small.
powerless.
female.
?

I think not.
I think, if you read Hamlet one more time,
you’ll find that she drowns herself.
I think, if you read Hamlet just one more time,
you’ll find that she
stood her ground.
Even though it sunk her in the weeds.
Even though she
behaved very much like
the crackhead outside the gas station.
I think, if you read Hamlet one more time,
you’ll find that she
impresses us with her strength.
And we all fear her.
We are terrified.
We do not fear weakness, we who have none.
We fear our own strength.
We fear being the last one standing
for a cause that means to kill us.
We fear what Ophelia should have feared.

But then, she was nuts.