Tonight: I posted this, and went right to sleep.

Today: I ate more than one meal. I woke up in the morning and did not go back to sleep. I did not take a nap. I did not text my boyfriend all day. I realized that he probably doesn’t mind when I text him all day. I asked for a break when I needed one at work. I picked up my paycheck three days late because it slipped my mind. I was off the computer just after midnight.


Yesterday: I went to the bank and took out twenty dollars in quarters. That is enough for three loads of laundry if the landlords noticed that we “fixed” the machines. Ten if they didn’t.

The Day Before Yesterday: I made an appointment to see that surgeon. It is the third in a series of calls I should have made when I was eighteen. There are several to go.

Three Days Ago: I said no to my friends who wanted to hang out, because I was too tired and need to get up early for work, and wanted to be well rested.

A Month Ago: I was stressed, and did not immediately have a cookie, or a cheeseburger. I had a tantrum. I felt better.

Forty Days and (more importantly) Forty Nights Ago: I was not shy with a boy. I was not embarrassed by the parts of myself that I do not like. I allowed him to appreciate them the way that they are. I had fun. I like him.

A Month and a Half Ago: I told my best friend that I had figured it out. I told him things I hadn’t told myself yet. I was glad to finally be told. The information was helpful.

Six Weeks Ago: I remembered.

Two Months Ago: I cleaned out the space under my bed. I organized it. I refused to throw away my ugly brown coat, because I like it. I shoved the things I didn’t know what to do with into the closet. But it wasn’t too much. I decided I would get to it when I need something at the bottom of the pile.

Three Months Ago: I figured out that the depression didn’t start when I went away to college. I began to wonder when it did start, and when I was last carefree. I had a donut and a Pepsi to sugar myself awake through the morning. I did not stay awake through the afternoon.

Four Months Ago: I dreamed about what happened to you. I realized how screwed up it is that I still have nightmares about it. I didn’t know what to do with that information. I watched movies until four in the morning on my laptop. I overslept.